What a long week it's been!

I am not going to lie, I have been so freaking bummed! (There has been so much going on at work, but I don't want to jinx it) I have been working out so hard, and watching what I was eating and nothing moved on the scale! And I mean NOTHING! Actually I gained weight, and it was so depressing. I noticed that I felt swollen and felt puffy and it was getting worse and worse. I could not even bend my fingers, that's how swollen I was. So I was thinking that I must be retaining so much water (even though I have not eaten salty foods), I still have these pills that are for my head (which is a whole other story) which are strong diuretics. So I took a full days worth, and seriously I dropped 6 pounds of water in one day! 6 freaking pounds!!!! That is just ridiculous ! I know it was that because I have kept it off, and I know I have problems with water retention. It's so frustrating.
I am so lucky to have friends in my life that seem to really care about what I am doing and are keeping me motivated. They are telling me that I am inspiring them to work out and eat better. I had a great conversation with a mom last night about how I feed Lena and that I am pretty strict about her sugar habits, and it was so refreshing to have someone totally get it! She even gave me a great alternative with potty training "treats" that I can use instead of jelly beans! She said to use chocolate covered sunflower seeds, which is a great alternative! I am totally going to get those for Lena!
I have had this post about child obesity that I have been contemplating if I should post it or not, and I think I will. I mean I care about what kids are eating, and honestly to each their own, but the post is just how I feel about how I currently and will continue to feed Lena.

In closing, thanks to all the people who read this and with whom I have talked over the last week, that have supported me!

We made Blueberry Muffins from scratch! 

The Mind is a powerful Adversary!

ad·ver·sar·y

n. pl. ad·ver·sar·ies

1. An opponent; an enemy.

2. Adversary The Devil; Satan. Often used with the.

Yesterday on the way home I called my husband and cried! I cried because I needed to; I cried because I was emotional; I cried because my mind wanted to give up, but my heart didn't. I told him that I was so frustrated and down that I have been trying so hard and not seeing the results that I wanted , and I know I have to give myself time, but I am sad! He understood and said that we will try to do two workouts a day, one light one in the morning and one at night, but at least one a day! He said he was proud of me and that I could do this! I still felt so defeated, so exhausted from trying and feeling like I was failing.
This morning I woke up and weight myself and saw I had gained the 2 pounds I worked so hard to get off! I WAS PISSED! All I kept saying was that this was bullshit and why am I even doing this. I am just going to be fat and look like shit forever! The one thing that was different about this morning was however, that while I was saying all these things, I was getting my workout clothes on, tying my shoes, getting my farming and heart rate monitor on and filling water. All because my body was fighting back and my mind was WANTING AND NEEDING this workout! Screw my head and what it was saying! I pushed myself and did a good job today!
The most important thing that I noticed , while both of us were working out, was that Lena was watching us and even said "Go mama go go!" That made me keep going! My almost 2 year old (in may) was cheering me on and it meant the world to me! This is the role model I want to be for her and want her to see that this is good and normal!

P.S. i added a widget to the bottom so you can see my Daily Mile Logs!  Also, please follow my blog =)

One of those days!

As much as I want to be strong and upbeat, I think we all have one of those days, where we feel defeated.Today is that day! I stepped on the scale, and no matter how many times I told myself "the number does not matter", today it did. I feel discouraged because it have not moved in two weeks. Not even a smidge. It is hard because I am working so hard to eat the right things, and exercise , but nothing is happening. Maybe one morning I will wake up and 10 pounds will be gone, and then I will wake up from the dream. The scale has to move! It would be different if I wasn't as heavy as I am right now, because of the plateau factor. However, that is not the case because I see so many heavy people doing the same thing I am and it is melting off.
I know what kind of a funk I can get into, I just hope I can pull myself out. Le sigh........

New is not always better... for other people that is!

It is so interesting to see people's reactions to new things or foods that they have never tried before. I am for sure one of the "guilty" that has turned their nose up to certain foods, especially Ahi Tuna! Get out of here with that raw fish stuff! So it should come to no surprise that when I posted this picture, that people made comments of how gross my food was.
Honestly, it was only Key Lime Greek Yogurt with Cacao Nibs and a punch of Chia seeds. It was super good! It tasted like key lime pie with chocolate ad totally filled me up! Yes, it might not be pretty, but what healthy food always looks pretty!

It really tasted SOOOO good!

I was really proud of myself this morning because I got out of bed and worked out this morning. I wanted to run/walk, but opted for a quick Jackie Warner upper body . It felt good to work out my arms and at least do something! I think that is my main problem.... NOT DOING SOMETHING, anything, nada. I mean, I know I am an emotional eater and losing my dad, having early menopause and having a brain/ spinal fluid condition that makes you go blind or die, defiantly had something to do with it, but I took measures to fix all of that. I cant have my dad back, but I can live the life HE wanted me to live. I got rid of the hormone therapy I was on for my early menopause and my hormone IUD and stopped taking my meds for the brain thing. I am going to eat better and fix myself, and not with all of these chemicals. I am going to do the RIGHT way!

Here is the Jackie DVD and my Garmin210

That's how I got this way. I use to work out a lot and eat somewhat healthy, and I felt and looked good. Having a child, a husband, working full time and going to school does put a whole lotta stress on you after a while, and you can never find time to do anything. I was not finding time and was becoming miserable and making my husband miserable because he saw how sad I was. I have either been going on run/walks with Lena and Rob at night or using the Treadmill. Who would not want to do it for this little munchkin?

New Year

It's pretty crazy to think that we are in the year 2013. Recently Rob and I saw "this is 40" and it got to thinking, I don't want to wait till I am forty "to just get happy" or figure out that we need to change things or get better. I know the premise of the movie was that they should not have changed anything about their life after all, but I know now that there are some things that I want to change and for sure as hell do that before i am 40 lol! But all joking aside, this week has been kind of tough, with trying to blog and everything, because i have been so busy with work, taking care of the family and trying to work out and keep my eating on track. I am so proud to say i have only slipped up ONCE! I had half of a bean and cheese burrito, which is ok. I am not going to completely deprive myself from the things that others eat, but I am going to make better choices, like eating half or making better selections. 

I have been run/walking (and logging it on my Daily Mile - follow me) every other day and track it on my awesome Garmin Forerunner 210 that I got from my in-laws for Christmas! Super excited about that one, because it came with a heart rate monitor, and it’s pretty awesome! I have been eating really well by juicing, eating mostly veggies and having a yogurt a day with CACAO nibs! You will not believe the amazing power of those little nibs. They are crunchy and you can add them to almost anything, and they totally satisfy hunger and your sweet tooth! Also besides taking Vitamins (D, Calcium, Cranberry, Folic acid, hair and nail stuff), I added Spriulina to my daily intake. I linked it up so that you can see the amazing effects it has on the body, but here are a few pluses:

Encouraging weight loss
• Counteracting toxins in the body
• Helping purify the liver
• Increasing mental alertness
• Lowering blood cholesterol and excess triglycerides
• Helping fight viral infections
• Treating radiation sickness
• Enhancing ability to generate new blood cells
• Improving blood sugar problems
• Strengthening the nervous system
• Strengthening the immune system
• Removing toxic metals such as lead and mercury from the body
• Improving healing of wounds

Who would not want to take this stuff right? I got it in pill form, because it does smell like algae in powder form.  Check it out!

Also another quick side note that I am proud of, is that just because I am not seeing any super fast weight loss, does not mean I am giving up! I feel better and right now that is all that counts! 

Change my Hunger

Day 1

I know, I know it is totally cliché to start a new regimen on New Years, but what if I start (or started) a few days before? It would not seem to be considered a “New Years” Resolution, but maybe more of a “New Life Resolution”! That is what I am trying to create, a new me. I have made some little changes here and there, like:

 I started running a little because I signed up for the Color Run on Jan. 6^th. I have never run a 5 K, and figured “Why Not?”

I started eating a little better by taking my lunch to work every day and separating them into portions

These are all fine and dandy, but it wasn’t until my brother and his girlfriend really started making little hints to me about my weight. I know it is out of control and I have gained so much. I am really unhappy and stress so much about it. I have health issues and I am sure that if I really stuck to it they would go away. Not only that, but my relationship with my husband, attitude about work, love for my daughter and how I feel about myself would all increase exponentially.

My brother Mark saw the movie “Fat, sick and almost dead”, and whoever has not seen it, I highly recommend watching it. I saw it last year and tried the whole juicing thing, and was starving! I have tried so many “fad” diets and end up starving. Mark telling me to just juice and lose the weight was a hint that he wants me to be healthier. I don’t want to starve, I want to eat like a normal person and be healthy. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t over eat by any means, I actually eat small portions, but it’s what I eat which is the problem. I cook a lot and love it, but I need to be better about what I cook with.

So I did some research and look for some documentaries about food and the food industry, and I found an amazing movie called Hungry forChange, Directed my Jaime Oliver, the British Chef that cooks really fresh! It was amazing to see how much crap is in food and how it affects us! Everyone needs to see this movie and buy the book like I did!

So instead of going all hard core, like only juicing or only shakes, I have decided to just live healthy and use a lot of the told from the movie by juicing and eating 80% raw foods. The reason I say 80% is because things like Milk (which is important for my 1.5 year old) and some foods still have additives. I am going to drink a really healthy shake (Almased) and juice and eat fruit during the day, and eat dinner with my family. The Dinner will be lean meat with veggies and fruit.

I started a few days ago and it is going great! Lena even drinks the freshly juiced apple juice! In order not to make this the biggest blog post ever, I will divide some of all my changes over the next few posts =) that way there is something to read!