500 Days - and an Update!

500 Days- that how many days I give myself to reach my Goal! It seemed like a good round number and about a year and a half. Which is kind of when we wanted to get pregnant again, or try. I might not blog everyday, but I will try and work on it everyday that’s for sure!

I know I have not blogged lately, and I do feel bad that I have not been writing lately. A lot has been going on in my life that I didn’t know if I wanted to share ore not. I walked a 5K with my friend Liz this weekend, and was telling her everything that was going on, and she suggested I share as a therapeutic situation as well as something to read and maybe learn from. So here it goes… again.

The last 4 months or so I have not been feeling well and in a real funk, have been working out regularly and eating very well. I was retaining 6-7 pounds of water weight on any given day, which was so uncomfortable and I could tell it was happening. My lips were swollen and I started having anxiety attacks with heart pain. It felt like a 5 year old was sitting on my chest and all I wanted to do was rip my clothes off. I would cry, yell (imagine your husband and daughter having to watch), I would have to leave places or rooms or anywhere I was and go somewhere I felt ok. I went to the doctor and he said I should take the anxiety meds, which ended up making me tired and not making the pain or swelling go away.  I went back, he then ordered a kidney check, or was it my neurologist that did….eh I cant remember, my Kidneys are great. (that’s a plus right?) Well mister Kidney Doctor said that he thinks it is my heart. Excuse me? yes. My heart, doesn't know what, but could be heart.  He thinks that because my heart rate is super low and normal blood pressure is 80/45 (they triple checked since I am over weight and joked they thought my heart and arm fell asleep), that I am retaining water , which is probably also around my heart and thus causing part of the attacks. Sweet! So then my doctor made a call to the cardiologist, who pretty much said the same things and scheduled another appointment for  a stress test and Echo-cardiogram and some other crap.  Ironically they said it is not my weight or eating habits, because I showed her my log and she saw my weight fluctuations, and was not happy. She said otherwise I am super healthy and hopefully it will just be a metabolic issue, and maybe upping my diuretic dosage I am already taking.  Fingers crossed x (those are two fingers)

People who really know me know I tend to over exaggerate or under exaggerate to deflect issues or what is really going on, but I can assure you I have been in pain. Just not saying anything, Rob has known, some people have been supportive some people have rolled their eyes, whatever. All I know is that I am 29 years old and I am scared and have a little girl to be around for. So I will try and use this as an outlet.

I am glad Liz talked me into it, especially after what happened. The 5k I mentioned…. Well we started running and .25 into it I started getting pain and burning in my heart and lungs and started having blood come up ¾ of the whole 5k. She is awesome because she walked it with me. It was amazing having her there as support and not feeling awkward and someone to talk to. I just kept spitting up or swallowing that crap, it was an amazing taste as you can imagine. It still hurts and I still don’t feel well, so I am glad I am going next week.